This blog is meant for me to just write what I'm feeling. It's not for show. It's just for me. The blogging world is one that has easily gotten me down. It also lifts and inspires at times. I'm officially addicted.
Since this is a place just for me, I'm here to say I'm in a funk. Down in the dumps. Feeling ungrateful. Feeling ashamed. The shame is the worst part. I have much....MUCH to be grateful for. The most important being, three people who call me 'mom'. Although they contribute probably the most to my feelings of angst, they are also my greatest blessings and my greatest joys. They have three very strong personalities. They are strong willed. They are slightly headstrong. I think I get the credit for that. Their father can also take some of that glory as well. We are not connecting right now. We are off right now. It's been nearly eight years since we made that marriage covenant. There's been lots of happiness in those almost eight years. There's also been our fair share of arguments, disagreements, and plenty of stubbornness. No one, and I mean no one, can make me more upset, more frustrated, and even more hurt than him. I'm pretty sure that goes both ways. There are times that I feel trapped in my life. How did I get here? Sometimes I feel Satan's influence so strongly. He doesn't want me to be happy. He wants my marriage to fail. He wants me to continue to find fault with my husband. There is no one I can talk to. I try turning to God. I won't stop, but I feel alone there too. I know He's there, but I also know that I have to work in order to feel his influence and power in my life.
Anyway, that's probably enough for a first post. I hope this isn't just an outlet for my woes. There are a lot of good days too.
